Are your emails holding you back?
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This week, we’re talking emails.
If you’re anything like me, you probably send somewhere between 10 and 50 work-related emails per day.
It’s something I do without much thought – in my case, a mixture of pitching article ideas, contacting interview subjects, sending invoices and chatting with editors who I work with on a regular basis.
Whether your business relies on contacting customers and clients, collaborators or agencies who hire you, I’m willing to bet it’s not something you spend much time planning.
But it’s possible that your email style could be stopping you from getting work.
The worst email sins
It’s here I have to say I am guilty of many cardinal sins of communications (and as a writer, I’m pretty annoyed with myself!)
Do any of these sound familiar…?
- I just wanted to…
- I’m sorry to bother you, but
- No worries if not!
- Do you mind if…
- Does that make sense?
[I confess in the weeks after I wrote this article I realised I use ‘just’ in almost every email I write - and it’s been a tough habit to break!]
It might seem harmless enough – an attempt at seeming chatty or a dose of that Great British self-deprecation – but it could be harming your business.
“When we’re clouded in ‘have you got a minute/do you mind if,’ we can’t articulate what we want or need, and our dreams don’t get fulfilled,” says Liz Nottingham, former Global Executive Director of Learning and Development at R/GA.
And – even worse – it tends to be a problem for women in particular.
Emails: a feminist issue?
There are lots of reasons why business isn’t equal across the sexes – you only need to look at the pay gap to see that men are clearly valued higher on average. But perhaps we’re also undervaluing ourselves.
While not all women do it (and not everyone who does it is a woman) the chances are that when an overly apologetic email lands in your inbox, it isn’t from a man.
Tara Mohr, author of Playing Big, has spoken about this topic a lot. She’s quoted in an article on Goop, saying:
The research on this topic has found that lower-status groups in any culture use these kinds of speech habits more than high status groups, and that women use them more than men. Second, and most importantly, the research shows that when men use these speech habits, it does not impact how authoritatively they come across. For women, these habits do have a negative consequence in terms of how we’re perceived.
Injecting some confidence into your emails will not only make you seem more capable and interesting to whoever’s reading them, but should also have a knock-on effect about how you feel about yourself and your work.
How to make more impact with your emails
Upping your email game isn’t about being more masculine – it’s a matter of treating yourself with respect, and encouraging others to do the same.
Here are some simple swaps:
“Saying ‘have you got a second?’ undermines the amount of work you’ve put into your idea,” says Liz. Try instead: ‘I’d love to schedule a phone call to tell you more.’
Instead of ‘does this make sense?’ which casts doubt into the reader’s mind, try, ‘let me know if you have any questions,’ or ‘I look forward to hearing your thoughts.’
Finally – only say ‘sorry’ if you’ve done something wrong. If you’re letting someone know about your fantastic business, there’s no need to apologise.
“It’s not about being harsh or criticising yourself, it’s more about noticing your patterns,” says Liz. How often are you softening your words or putting yourself down?
“Before you press send, start to read your emails through, and perhaps in the first week you could delete ‘just’s or ‘actually’s,” says Liz. “Ask yourself – is there a clearer way of expressing my point of view? Am I communicating in a way that evokes confidence?”
Some tools to help
For a handy checklist you can print out and pin above your desk, check out Tara Mohr’s ‘before you hit send’ post.
You can even download a specific Gmail plugin on the Chrome browser that flags up words and phrases such as ‘sorry’ or ‘I’m no expert, but’ and highlights where you might be undermining your expertise.
This isn’t about pretending to be someone else, or becoming super formal. “It’s not about removing the human touch – you can still ask about the weather and make small talk,” says Liz. “It’s about being clear in who you are, and what you want to say.”
And be kind to yourself – it’s a habit you’ll have been using throughout your working life, so it may be a challenge to adjust. But the more you try it, the better you’ll become – and ultimately this confidence should translate into phone calls and face-to-face meetings (remember those?!) too.
Treat it as an experiment – why not spend a month sending confident emails, and see if anything changes as a result? No worries if n ----- I mean, I look forward to hearing how it works out.
Don’t miss next week’s issue, where we’re panning one self-employed woman’s business for golden nuggets of inspiration you can implement on your own.
I’d love to hear your own bad email habits, and whether you’ve tried to give them a revamp. Let me know by replying to this email or posting in the OOO Facebook Group
Catch up on previous articles including: how to do less and achieve more, or discover the secrets to your motivation.
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