Has your motivation changed?

Understanding your current goals, plus some personal news

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Hello Colleague!

Apologies for a missed month (and Out Of Office's second birthday, no less!) but covid finally caught me. In a way I've not had a bad run making it to 2022, but in another it was pretty poor luck as actually I've been in and out of isolation for most of the last two years for medical stuff (mostly in). Anyway, it was a bit rubbish but I'm ok now.

I actually had a newsletter written about energy prices but tbh it's just such a bummer, and also things have changed since I wrote it, so I will save you that. Just know it was a MEGA RANT, and if you are feeling like things are a bit shit and unequal right now... you are entirely correct!

Instead I wanted to talk today about changing motivation. I think it's really easy to misunderstand what motivates us for various reasons. Perhaps our true motivations are things we feel a bit ashamed about (ego boosts, recognition, cold hard cash, etc), or alternatively we might assume that what motivated us 10 years ago is still the driving force behind our work today. Self-awareness is a fascinating topic - I have a brilliant friend who has just trained as a counsellor, and a massive amount of her work (arguably all of it) is around gently encouraging people to understand themselves better. The more we know - and admit - about ourselves, the less of a fight everything becomes.

This month I'd encourage you to explore what's motivating you right now - and be ok about it. It's something I've been thinking about as my own motivation has taken an about-turn.

When I started out freelancing, my goal was earning money. The initial motivation was undoubtedly fear: could I actually survive as a freelance writer, having been made redundant? Once I realised that, thankfully, I could keep afloat, the goal remained money but my motivation changed. It became more about curiosity and challenge. I wanted to know, if I worked flat-out for a year, how much was it possible to earn? It became quite exciting as the answer was 'more than in your horribly underpaid office job'.

Once I'd scratched that itch and knew my rough parameters (and felt calmer), it changed again. So 2020-21 became much more about the other perks of self-employment. The goal was to earn a certain amount and then stop paid work, and focus more on personal projects (this newsletter, for one!) that didn't make any/much cash, but made me happier and more satisfied.

I thought that was it for the long term: my motivation would come from 'earning enough' and 'being creative'. I had ambitious plans to write a book and do various other projects for myself. And, to be honest, I liked how that felt. I was quite proud of how high-minded it seemed (I know, bleurgh. But just trying to be honest here).

Recently though, I've felt a shift. I've been pulled away from 'projects for me' and back into 'let's get this bread' mode. Nothing stifles a creative urge quite like money worry, and what with taking time off for covid, the cost of living chaos and - surprise news drop - I am having a baby*, money has suddenly sprung to the fore again.

*A side-note on this. One of the reasons for the aforementioned isolation has been going through IVF, which has been a gut-wrenching process. If you've had/are having fertility issues, it's so, so bloody tough and I am sending you all the love in the world. I used to get so upset at baby announcements (which seem to be EVERY FREAKING WHERE when you are sensitive to them) and I hope that mine hasn't been too triggering. I won't be making the newsletter all about pregnancy. I am tempted to write one about the shitness of the maternity allowance at some point if there's demand. It's hard because it seems ungrateful to moan about a lack of support when I have been craving this baby for so long now, but equally the purpose of the newsletter is to highlight issues where self-employed women are treated differently to other people, and this does feel like one of those. If I do write about it, I'll flag it up so you can choose to fling it straight into the trash - whatever you need to protect yourself.

It's taken me a few weeks to admit to myself that money is my goal again. The motivation is slightly different to when I first started, although I'd be lying if there wasn't an element of fear involved. I'm not quite sure how much I'll need to get through the cost of living crisis, or to enable me to go down to part-time after the baby arrives, so there's that sense of 'never having enough' that creeps in at 4am sometimes. Perhaps you're feeling that too right now? It's hard to make calculations when you don't have the data: mortgage amounts, import costs, fuel, etc - it all feels like a doomsday guessing game right now.

Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is that, actually, I feel better for admitting to myself that money is my focus right now. It's ok to let go not only of other projects themselves, but the idea I have about myself ('I am someone who does creative projects, and is motivated by them'). Perhaps not forever, but who knows. Motivation and goals are likely to ebb and flow throughout my working life, and the main thing is to acknowledge that, and just crack on with it really.

Has your motivation changed over your career? Do you secretly value some forms of motivation over others, or feel shame for not having certain motivating factors? As always, I am incredibly nosey, so hit reply if you fancy a chat...

• Don’t forget, from just £1 a month you can come along to our accountability meetings and meet the friendliest bunch of freelancers you’re ever likely to encounter. More info here. Plus, first visit is free, so what have you got to lose?

I’ve offset the carbon involved in writing and sending this newsletter by planting trees via Ecologi