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Morning, Colleague!
Last week I stopped for a coffee at the park. I said ‘thanks’ to the server, and was walking away, flat white in hand, when he said: ‘Urm…you need to pay?’ The shut-in life has taken its toll, and I am officially out of my depth in non-Zoom transactions now. Frankly, he was lucky I’d brought my wallet.
It’s obviously wonderful that things are opening up again, but, man, is it exhausting performing even the most basic functions in public. I’m going very cautiously and at my own pace, but even these small interactions feel suddenly so awkward — let alone the idea of going to a big venue or having a face-to-face meet up with an editor.
If you’re feeling similarly like an alien pretending to be a human, the thought of any kind of networking is probably bringing you out in a cold sweat. Meeting strangers and having to sell yourself is hard work, even pre-pandemic, and if you’re shy or introverted, it’s even tougher.
Engaging with new people is obviously crucial, to some degree, for all of us. When you run a product or service-based business, it’s important to get out there and make connections – whatever that looks like – to help you find future contracts, promote your brand and to build up a support network of friends within your profession.
Obviously there’s no race to get back out there, or do anything that makes you uncomfortable (I’m taking baby steps, personally) but whenever you’re ready to start networking again, there are some simple ways to make it less painful.
I spoke to Emilia Buggins and Juliette Hettema, co-founders of Quiet Strength, a platform designed to support introverts working in creative industries. They run free, small group networking events each month, designed to encourage meaningful connections between introverted professionals.
Before we get into it, it’s worth noting that there’s a difference between being introverted and being shy – but there’s a large amount of crossover. Introversion means you find social gathering and busy spaces drain your energy, and you’re likely to require a ‘recharge’ of alone time after networking. It’s possible to be an introvert who is great with social gatherings, and enjoys them, but still needs that time to yourself afterwards. Shyness is more to do with feeling awkward or uncomfortable with others, or groups, but again, it’s possible to be an extrovert and still be shy (where you gain energy from big groups, but might find it hard to join in).
Me, blending in post-lockdown
Self-employment and introverts
Roughly a third of people are introverts, and while it’s unclear if there’s a link between running your own business and being introverted, it would certainly make sense. In many ways, it can really suit introverts — for example, when meetings leave you drained, you can schedule time to recover afterwards. “I’m moving towards self-employment myself,” says Juliette. “Working office hours I often need the entire weekend to recover, but being self-employed allows you to distribute your energy better throughout the week.”
“There’s an allure in self-employment, that you can run your life more in line with how you want to be,” says Emilia. But be warned: “You do have to get comfortable with being your own advertiser.”
How to actually enjoy networking when you’re shy
Here are some top tips for helping introverts, and the shy, to get the most out of networking.
Reframe the idea of ‘networking’. “People have an idea that networking is all about schmoozing, but it’s actually just about building relationships,” says Emilia. “It feels scary when we go in thinking we need to seem impressive, so think instead about trying to make new friends.” It’s not about stepping away with a new client or a bag full of business cards – it’s just as great to meet someone who you get along with. Plus, you never know who that person could introduce you to in years to come.
Wear something that stands out. “When I went to a big networking event in Austin, I found it really busy and quite scary,” says Juliette. “But I was wearing a statement ring which has green liquid inside, and it attracted lots of comments. Equally you can always start a conversation based on someone else’s interesting T-shirt or necklace. It’s just a really simple way into a conversation, without being awkward.”
Prepare a few questions – but make it meaningful, says Emilia. “Think of some questions that you’d genuinely like to know the answer to, so you can avoid small talk and skip straight to an interesting conversation.” Some suggestions: What did you want to be when you were a child? you could have any superpower, what would it be? And – my personal favourite – who is your favourite Muppet? (If the answer is Gonzo, let’s be BFFs.)
Take a friend. Many introverts find taking a companion to an event gives them the confidence to go it alone next time. Ask a friend or someone you know from the business to keep you company at a networking event if it helps — but just make sure to talk to other people as well.
Work out how to end a chat. One fear of getting into a networking convo, is how do you extricate yourself at the end? Will you end in a perpetual loop of ‘lovely weather/isn’t it just’. “Have a ‘warm close’ prepared – something like, ‘it’s been really nice talking to you, but I’ll let you go now,’” says Emilia.
Find smaller groups. Whether that means joining something like Quiet Strength, which limits participants to around eight at a time, or fixing one-to-one coffee dates with a potential client or someone working in the same field. Perhaps you could even brave a bigger meeting if your goal was simply to fix a second, smaller meet-up with a couple of the people there, at a later date.
Ask for referrals from your friends. If you’re looking to meet interesting people to talk work, ask a friend if they know anyone who you’d get on with. This is a really simple, organic way to grow your reach. Whether they’re in the same industry or not, there might be scope to collaborate in years to come. And pay this back by linking up your contacts too.
Don’t forget your strengths. There are lots of amazing skills that introverts and shy people can bring to the networking table. You’re likely to be a good listener, which probably makes you fantastic at asking pertinent questions. Perhaps you’re good at noticing people who look left out, and welcoming them into a chat. Whatever it is, try to remember your unique superpowers whenever you feel wobbly.
Don’t forget that online networking is here to stay. If you’re not one for IRL events, or, like me, live outside of a major city, you don’t need to miss out. I’m keeping my Zoom Premium account, no matter what.
As well as Quiet Strength events (perfect for shy folk), there’s app Bumble Bizz which is designed to connect professionals, and, of course Out Of Office, which will continue to run events to help you connect with other self-employed women from around the world (seriously, the last Work Together event was an international affair!)
The next event is my firm favourite, our monthly accountability session, this Friday (28th) at 11am. Grab a coffee, write down a couple of clear goals for June, and prepare to enjoy casual chat, support and problem-solving from other women who know where you’re coming from. Free to Patreons, but every reader is also welcome to try a free session - just drop me a reply if you want in.
Do some virtual networking in the Out Of Office Facebook group. It’s a private space to share anything you want about the highs/lows of working for yourself.