Loneliness... be gone!
How to find your tribe when you're self-employed
I’m keeping Out Of Office newsletters free, because I think every self-employed woman deserves as much support as possible. Want to say thanks? I bloody love a flat white…
Morning, Colleague!
Wondering if I ought to introduce some sort of water-cooler chat here (never my forte, tbh). This month my husband Ross has decided we should watch a horror film every day in the lead-up to Halloween. I love horror, but it turns out an important part of that love was based on having appropriate gaps in between terrifying films. Cue waking up at 5am after a nightmare about hanging off a ski lift.
Anyway…
Today we’re actually here to talk about a big issue for many of us solo workers - loneliness.
One is the loneliest number
When you start off in self-employment, the first thing that will likely hit you is… ‘so, it’s just me then?’ If you’ve come from working in a team, finding yourself alone at a desk – even if it’s what you’ve always wanted – can be jarring.
A survey of self-employed workers found that 41% missed the ‘banter’ that goes along with working in an office… Although of course for the other 59% it’s a blessed relief not to hear what Julie in accounts thinks about Rick and Morty.
(Also, can we just take a minute to collectively cringe at the word ‘banter’.)
Personally, I’m lucky to have a self-employed husband and a busy-body cat, but even so there are days when I am desperate to vent about the particular annoyances of my job to someone working in the same field.
One of the effects of lockdown - and beyond - is that vast numbers of office workers are experiencing a taste of self-employed isolation. I’ve certainly had lots of friends asking me ‘how do you do it?!’
While co-working spaces and face-to-face networking events may not be an option anytime soon, I do have some tips for fending off loneliness and finding your tribe from the comfort of your own home office.
Ask the internet
One of my favourite career successes of this year has been the formation of a WhatsApp group called Ranty Journos (despite how many times autocorrect tries to call it Randy Journos… that’s a whole other group).
This group comprises me and four other journalists, half self-employed, and provides a safe space for us to moan and bitch about the weird ways our industry functions (or fails to function). It’s such a balm to the soul to have people who will understand, and offer advice, about really specific problems I’m having. Obviously it works both ways, and I find it a relief to hear their problems and offer solidarity too. Basically it’s a lot of me looking at my phone shouting: “YES! THANK YOU!” - what I like to call the ‘thank god, it’s not just me’ factor.
I think it’s also healthy for my marriage that some of my daily annoyances can be off-loaded before I storm downstairs in a rage about whichever editor has wronged me.
This magical group was formed after a simple Twitter shout out. I felt desperate to talk to other freelance writers, and didn’t have the luxury of many existing friends in the field (other than those who are still on-staff at places I’ve previously worked, which isn’t quite the same). So I shouted into the hell-pit, and the hell-pit answered back - surprisingly nicely. Numerous women came through for me, and we took it to WhatsApp.
If you could do with space to vent about your work, I’d highly recommend doing the same thing – just knowing there are people out there who have your back is massively reassuring.
Schedule lunch ‘meetings’
One of the worst things about office life is the constant meetings. They can be truly tedious…but they don’t half help to give a day some structure.
If you are bad at forcing yourself to take a proper lunch break (guilty!) why not schedule a phone or video ‘meeting’ with a friend or family member? This year it’s more important than ever to stay connected, especially with people who don’t live near enough for a socially distanced walk.
I find that speaking to a friend during the day brings a new energy to conversations as I’m less brain-dead than during the evenings, plus it’s a great opportunity (should you feel like it) to run over any work-related problems. I generally get back to work feeling invigorated, at least until the next minor crisis.
If you want human connection without having to make any effort, try one of these comforting podcasts or - in my totally unbiased opinion - the Golden House puzzle podcast series made by my husband (an award-winning podcaster, no less!)
Become an Out of Office Colleague!
Don’t forget to join the Out Of Office Facebook group, where you can connect with other self-employed women and ask questions.
This newsletter is an ever-evolving beast (honestly, it’s embarrassing how much my original business plan has changed) but I’d love to introduce some paid events in future - perhaps including webinars on specific topics, and virtual ‘Friday night drinks’ with other self-employed folk. If this sounds like something you’d appreciate - hit reply. I’m definitely keen to shape the letter around my fellow Colleagues - what you want and need, so just shout.
Don’t miss next week’s issue - how to give YOURSELF a payrise!
What do you do to combat loneliness? (Or perhaps you love it?) Let me know by hitting reply.
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