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Morning, Colleague
Thanks to everyone who got in touch to share their morning routine tips following last week’s newsletter. It was so lovely to hear from you all — it genuinely makes my week when you get in touch.
I have just spent the most frustrating day trying to squeeze out a few bullet points for an up-coming panel discussion. It’s been painful. Its irrational difficulty has left me emotional: angry, upset and generally irritated, which isn’t normally the case for a piece of work like this.
I’ve been trying to work out why (just call me the Sherlock of pent-up rage). Is it because the subject matter is slightly out of my comfort zone? The fact I have PMS, or didn’t sleep well last night? Well, yes, but that’s not quite it… What about the fact that the other panellists are intimidatingly impressive? Hmm, closer. But am I really comparing myself and my career to them? Not exactly.
I’ve realised that the person I’m actually wishing I could channel is… me. At least, an earlier version of me. The thing is, I know I can be very good at this kind of work. With the right preparation and the right interviewer, I’m confident at public speaking. I care passionately about my subject, and I know I’ve got a somewhat unique point of view thanks to my background in the field. While not every panel or radio interview has been a roaring success, I know that, when I’ve done my research and am in the zone, I can do myself and my work justice.
Today though, and if I’m honest, over the past few months, I don’t feel like that woman. She seems like a distant stranger, or a costume I wore once. My life is up in the air right now in many ways, my sleep is all over the shop, and my former bullet-proof confidence is, well, full of holes.
I imagine this is a feeling that you might have had too. Whether it’s about your professional status or your looks, your life pre-children, or when you had youthful energy to burn, it’s easy to look back at different versions of yourself and wonder – what the hell happened here, then?!
So, I’m writing this today for myself, and for you. That version is still there, underneath whatever weights life has strung across your shoulders. Like uncorking a fine wine, you just need to let her breathe.
(Not to mention, this newer version who’s dealing with a pandemic, amongst other stresses, is doing a pretty bang-up job in the meantime.)
I’m channelling my inner public speaking badass by doing a piece of work I feel more confident about, taking a long bath, getting an early night and coming back to slay this dragon tomorrow morning.
I have all the tools I need already, they’re just a little rusty.
Do you struggle with this past-self-comparison? I’d love to know how you overcome it.
As always, it’s gratefully appreciated when you share Out Of Office with a self-employed friend.