Your stress-reduction prescription
...Plus details of a new free event
I write Out of Office each week for free, as I believe all self-employed women deserve support. By becoming a member of the OOO Colleague Community you can help keep it free, and as a thank you, you’ll gain access to monthly webinars and accountability sessions with like-minded women.You could also just buy me a coffee…
Good morning, Colleague!
I hope you had a restful Easter and have stocked up on Mini Eggs (campaign to make them available year-round starts here).
April is stress awareness month, and boy, am I aware! Normally I don’t pay much attention to random ‘awareness’ drives, but this one felt well-timed for me (and speaking to some of you at Out Of Office Zoom events, I’m not alone).
Obviously, the last year has been a shit-show. Loads of us have lost contracts, customers or had rates cut. Some of you may be new to self-employed life, having been made redundant. We’ve all lost vital means of connection and joy, and I know many of you have been trying to work around home schooling hell, or stuck working on your bed or at the kitchen table. Oh, and that’s without the looming threat of disease.
But. However hard it is… we really need to chill the fuck out. For our mental and physical health, and to actually take any pleasure in life. Also so that people don’t cower in fear when we enter a room.
This fortnight, Out Of Office is here to help.
Here is your stress reset prescription from Dr Lizzy: carve out five minutes, make a hot drink, take a deep breath, and have a little think about your own stress levels. I’ll be interviewing two experts on the topic over the next fortnight, and I’ll also be hosting two stress-relief events (more below) to hopefully help you unknot your shoulders a little bit.
[I’m using the word ‘prescription’ purely so I can use this gem of a photo:]
Why am I tearing my hair out?
There are two types of stress: chronic and acute. “Chronic is when you’re stressed over a long period, while acute is short and sharp,” says Geraldine Joaquim, a clinical hypnotherapist and psychotherapist, who runs business-focused stress management company Mind Your Business. “We’re designed for acute stress, and are able to switch back into rest and digest mode quite easily. The problem with modern life is it’s often a drip-feed of stress, and most of us live in a state of chronic stress to some degree, particularly over the last year of changes.”
It doesn’t really make any difference to your body and mind whether the stress is coming from a leaking roof, a whining child, or money worries. “Stress is stress, whether it’s personal or work. It doesn’t matter where it comes from. At the moment there’s an interplay as we’re living more integrated lives,” says Geraldine “But the good news is we can treat it holistically. It’s like exercise — even if you only target one area there will be benefits across your whole body.”
Is stress worse when you work for yourself? Yes and no. “The past year might have had an impact on your sense of security if you’re self-employed,” says Geraldine. “I found that my business fell off a cliff last year (although it picked up in August when corporates realised the schools were going back). But it really depends on the individual and the stressors are just different.”
That’s certainly true for me. I find that the things I worry about now are different to those that bugged me in employment… but the impact on my mental and physical health is the same.
The cult of ‘busy-ness’
In a culture obsessed with being switched on, being busy to the point of stress can be treated as a badge of honour. “It’s a bit of a hangover from the 90s, and the era of big mobile phones and flashy cars,” says Geraldine. “I remember having dinner with my friends when we were younger and it was like a competition over who was working the latest or had the most on.”
Oh God, anyone else guilty of this? I frequently get a buzz from telling a friend how ‘manic’ my week has been (even if I’m dying on the inside). What IS that? Why do we treat being busy as proof that we’re successful and important? Bleurgh.
I sometimes think that being part of the ‘Lean In’ generation, and feeling that as a woman it’s my job to be out there smashing glass ceilings every day, has really messed me up. And interestingly, Geraldine also feels it’s a gendered issue: “I’ve found, professionally, that ‘stress’ is seen as almost an alpha condition. Corporations find the topic more palatable than ‘mental health’.” [Gender and ambition is 100% a topic I want to cover in the future…]
How can I recognise stress?
I’m sure you don’t need me to point out the times when you’re struggling to cope, but it’s worth doing a quick stock-take on some of the symptoms just the same. I think we often live with issues, such as a stiff neck or grumpy mood, as if it’s just part of the furniture, and not connected to a bigger issue. (I don’t think I’ve unclenched my jaw since 2009.)
Stress can have lots of physical symptoms, including but not limited to: psoriasis and other skin conditions flaring up, sleep problems, muscle tension and stiffness. But there’s also our behaviour: if you’ve been snappier, lacking in creativity or humour, or had a ‘tunnel vision’ approach to your work lately, it could be time to book some time off.
“There’s a lot of guilt around looking after yourself, it can feel selfish,” says Geraldine. “But, as they say on planes, you need to put your own oxygen mask on before you can help others.” As boring as it is, the main three areas to examine are: diet, exercise and sleep. “There are lots of tools you can use, but it’s about finding what works for you. Mindfulness and meditation can help but I’m cautious about recommending them to everyone as it can feel like cramming yet another thing onto your to-do list.”
Trigger happy
Stress is a funny topic, because on the one hand, it’s vital to address it. But on the other, just talking about it (and trying to come up with solutions) can feel like a massive stressor in itself.
All the same, having a better understanding of your own issues will help you nip future stress in the bud. Starting with: what are your personal triggers?
A massive stress trigger for me is spiralling. Not making courgettes into pasta (why WHY) but fixating on a thought and tunnelling down into ever-gloomier scenarios.
Being aware of that, if it’s one of your patterns, is half the battle. “Overthinking feeds stress, because your brain can’t tell the difference between a real problem and an imagined one. My mantra is: don’t think too hard. Things often aren’t as bad as we think, and we handle them much better than we might imagine,” says Geraldine.
Step away from your desk
Next up: taking breaks. “Look at whether you take enough breaks, and consider setting an alarm to prompt you to go outside for five minutes,” says Geraldine.
I can almost hear you thinking: ‘yeah, yeah, take a break, sure, sure,’ but honestly, just do it. Right now. “The more you do it, the easier it will get. We have to practise for the person we want to become.”
We can only really work to a decent level for 25-30 minutes, so try to fit in five minutes of looking out of the window, or having a tea in the garden. “Even seeing a picture nature can reduce your stress levels, and helps you start operating from your parasympathetic nervous system, ie rest and digest. This will make you feel more relaxed, and more able to make responses rather than have reactions,” says Geraldine. (Note to self: five minutes of doomscrolling doesn’t count as a break.)
An earlier issue on how to easily squeeze breaks into your working day
Two quick mood-changers
If you’re struggling with the transition between work and home life, you can quickly change the tone of your day with the yoga pose known, creatively, as ‘legs up the wall’. “Lie flat on your back, with your bum against the wall, and put your legs up it. Let your arms fall by your sides and close your eyes for five minutes. Again, this shifts you into rest and digest mode,” says Geraldine. It might feel a bit weird, but it’s a good way to change your mood quickly, and is perfect at the moment when we’re all stuck at home to offer a buffer between work and all the other household chaos. Think of it as a hippy’s commute.
Secondly, bringing some positivity into your day can also help upgrade your mood (and, if you live with someone else, it will help them too). “At the dinner table try to list three good things from your day. What did you do for someone else? What did someone do for you? Search for the good stuff,” says Geraldine.
I’m going to try both of these over the next month, as I’ve gotten into an awful habit of bringing my work rages down to the lunch table with me… not good for my digestion, or my marriage!
Ultimately it’s hard to be too prescriptive with stress solutions as we’re all so different, but the main thing is to put a bit of thought into it about any long-term changes you might need. “Reducing stress is a bit like dieting, it’s not a short-term thing,” says Geraldine. “This is about changing your lifestyle, adding in more of what makes you well, and doing less of what makes you unwell. If you’re less stressed overall, then those ‘pinch points’ of annoyance won’t be as bad.”
Next week, I’ll be looking in more depth at the related topic of burn out (which, as you know, has been a massive issue for me recently).
Now, those events I mentioned…
This month’s webinar is something a bit different. Instead of learning a skill to grow your business, I thought it would be fun to learn a skill to calm body and mind. So I’m delighted to be hosting a lunchtime breathwork de-stressing session on Monday 12th at 1pm, led by Charlie Moult. A great way to unclench your jaw and unknot your stomach for a calmer week of working. It’s free to Full Time Colleagues, or buy a ticket here.
I’m also holding a free ‘Stress Reset’ tea break on Friday 23rd. An opportunity to come and have a chat with other self-employed women about your stress levels. We can all have a bit of an off-load, and then share any tips or tricks we’ve found helpful for reducing our stress levels too. A problem shared is a problem halved, as they say! Free tickets here.