My mental health spring clean

Small tweaks that are working for me

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Good morning, Colleague

I actually wrote this letter at the start of last week, and since then have been dealt a really horrible blow. My furry colleague, aka my beloved cat Moomin, had to be put to sleep last week, and it’s left me heartbroken. Spending time with him was one of the few pleasures of lockdown, and as I’ve had him for nearly my entire career it’s going to be much harder to work without him around. In short, I’m just really, really sad.

Here’s what I’d written up earlier, I think he would definitely approve of everyone taking things easy this month as much as possible.

We’re now into week three of Stress Awareness Month, aka April, aka lockdown Groundhog Day 1,000 (albeit with pub gardens open). So far this month I’ve covered expert stress tips and how to avoid burn out. Before we end the theme, I felt it was probably right to fill you in on where I’m at after my ‘cry for help’ piece a few weeks back.

I present: my Spring mental health upgrade.

Why I’ve been struggling

Burn out is a constant struggle for me. Sometimes there are red flags along the way (ignored at my peril): feeling snappy, having low energy levels and not feeling enthused about even my favourite elements of work. At other times, it strikes without warning, and leaves me curled up in bed watching reruns of Come Dine With Me with the curtains closed.

For me, there’s no doubt that the pandemic has made burn out a higher risk. Without some of my usual tools I’ve found it hard to change gears come the weekend. Pre-covid I was a fan of working in cafes, trips to London to meet editors, and generally escaping the house at least once a day to do something else. Now my home is my office, so I find it a challenge to stop work-thoughts from creeping in come Saturday.

I’m someone who’s always prioritised work to a not-so-healthy degree. But the pandemic has left everything else – relationships, hobbies, new experiences – feeling static at best. (Or at times, worsened— covid has had some unexpected impacts on friendships I previously thought were pretty solid.)

Work somehow feels like the only positive way to mark the passage of time, and, more than that, the only thing I feel I can control. (Although as all self-employed people know, that’s a bit of an illusion!)

Don’t get me wrong, I’m incredibly proud of what I’ve achieved, especially as this month marks a year since I started planning Out Of Office. It’s been a delight, in particular, to ‘meet’ many of you via online events, and make some new friends who I hope to see in person when this is all over.

But… I’ve been overdoing it. Most of my dopamine now stems from my work, and it’s addictive. It can feel pointless to take a break — what would I even do with myself during a week off? So I work, and I work some more. And then I burn out, and my body enforces a week off, generally at the least convenient time.

And, if I’m honest, I’m still struggling with it. Articles that should just be an easy hour’s work have been s-t-r-e-t-c-h-e-d over several days because of my foggy brain, and I’m falling asleep on the sofa at 6.30pm. Then, when I get to bed, I’m suddenly wide awake. I’m also finding it hard to drum up enthusiasm, even for pieces of work I enjoy.

As mentioned, I wrote more about my experience of burn out a few weeks back, and since then have become committed to evening out my life a bit. While I’m still struggling with lethargy and mood swings, I have felt some progress that shows I need to stick with these changes — for life, rather than just when things get bad.

What’s helped so far

Everyone is obviously different, and I acknowledge I am privileged in numerous ways, but I thought for this issue I might just share the baby steps that I’ve discovered work for me. Perhaps some of them could also apply to you.

My ‘three things’ list

This is one I’m pretty proud of!

It stemmed from lamenting my endless to-do list. How, I wondered, did other people keep on top of housework, a career, exercise, cooking nutritious meals….all while keeping a calm mind?

I reckon there are two options.

Either you are Beyonce-level wealthy and have staff to attend to most of those needs.

Or, you just…don’t get everything done. You get by, and most areas are okish. Maybe one area is seriously lacking for a while, but overall things tick along. You get more takeaways than you’d ideally like, or you forgo a jog when an important deadline comes in. (Or, like me, your house is an absolute shit-heap).

Instead of focusing on all the ways I am failing, I’ve decided to have a more holistic approach. I can’t do everything, in all areas, but I can always do something in one or two areas.

I used to make a to-do list each morning for work, so I’ve adapted it to try and take the focus off my work, and place a bit more emphasis on other areas. Now, each day, I list down only three things. And at the MAXIMUM only two are allowed to be work things (ideally only one).

That leaves one or two slots for something else. These can be self-care things, like reading a magazine or a meditation session; something for my body, like cooking a nutritious lunch, or going for a run; something fun like practising my ukulele or calling a friend; something domestic, like cleaning one room or putting washing away; or they can be practical (read: annoying) things that I’m resisting but will make me feel a million times better. Yesterday, for example, I did a price comparison on our home insurance. (Even typing that made me feel bored).

It’s basically my way of saying to myself: ‘today you made progress on something (and not just work).’ Yes, it means that things get done in a patchy way, but I assume – unless you all have some secret you’re cruelly keeping from me – that everyone’s homes/heads/bodies are a bit like that?

It’s been an interesting exercise in letting go of perfection (which honestly if you could see my house is quite a laughable concept anyway) and a few weeks in, I think it’s really helped. It’s made it easier to identify micro-achievements, and made things seem more manageable. In fact, occasionally I tick everything off quite early and, buoyed up by my success, I end up doing extra things. Sometimes it makes the day seem less manic, and more open to possibility.

Other times, three is more than enough, and that’s fine too. It’s not about tricking myself into doing everything, it’s just about some sense of balance.

Apps/platforms that have helped me

I’ve done enough shouting about the Anti-Burnout Club (see the previous issue for a free trial discount code) but it has really helped me. The other service I’d recommend is the Calm app. Personally I’ve enjoyed it more than Headspace, although it depends a bit on what you’re after.

The ‘daily calm’ meditations are around 10 minutes, and you’re guided through them with different techniques on different days, so you really get a feeling for what might work for you, meditation-wise. I also like that they end with some kind of lesson, so I’m often left thinking about a session during my day. It makes meditation feel like something that I can apply to ‘real life’ rather than just a 10-minute chunk of time in the morning. (It also ticks the weird nostalgic itch I have for school assemblies.)

Not saying yes to everything

Again, I’m aware this is a privilege, but recently I’ve turned down a couple of work opportunities (both paid and unpaid). It can be a tough call, especially if you’re anxious about money, but sometimes it’s nice to be reminded that you could turn something down, even if you don’t in the end. Whenever I’ve felt on the fence about something, I’ve started to lean on the ‘saying no’ side, even though it does mean my earnings have been reduced this month.

It’s not my natural inclination (classic people-pleaser) but the ‘three things’ list has helped me start to reprioritise things. Work is starting to feel like a single puzzle piece, amongst numerous others. I’m even thinking of scaling back an unpaid passion project, as I’m worried it will upset my tentative new balance.

I’m still working on this element — I accepted an insanely fiddly (not well paid) commission a few weeks ago that really set me back stress-wise, but live and learn, and all that…

Giving away less of myself

I think it’s partly a self-employed thing, and partly an addiction, but I got myself into a bad habit of feeling I needed to be ‘on’ all the time. Responding to every email within minutes, checking social media to make sure I didn’t seem rude by ignoring messages, etc.

It’s silly really. If someone didn’t reply to an email or message that I’d sent immediately, it wouldn’t bother me at all. I’d never think: ‘that person is ignoring me, what a bitch’, or ‘such an irresponsible freelancer, I’ll never hire her again’. I tend to just assume that person hasn’t seen it yet. So why is it hard to apply the same standards to myself?

Over the past couple of weeks I’ve removed social media from my phone, and while I quite often go to check it, actually when I realise I can’t there’s a palpable sense of relief. I don’t think I realised how tense it made me, letting so many voices into my head constantly. Now I’m relegating social media to my computer, and it’s made the whole thing a lot less appealing in general.

Emails are harder to step away from, but I’m using the ‘star’ button in Gmail (basically a way to flag them) for anything requiring a response so I know I’ll return to it the following morning.

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As I say, I’m not exactly nailing it when it comes to ending burn out, but I hope that some of these small nudges in the right direction might be helpful for some of you. Most crucially, perhaps, is the fact that I’m taking a week off in early May to just…be. It’ll be my first break since Christmas and I’m so tired that I’m actually excited to do very little for once.

Do let me know if you have any of your own tips, as I am a work in progress.

• This month’s accountability chat will be on Friday 30th at 11am. Free to all Patreons, but you’re welcome to try one out before signing up too - just drop me a line. Everyone’s welcome, and it’s a great way to off-load about any stresses, celebrate your wins, and set some public goals for the coming month.

• Work together afternoon: I had some great feedback after the last event, and this is something I will definitely be running again. Currently my plate is piled a bit high, but once I’ve had my time off I promise it will return.