Scared of failure?

How to unlock your self-employment faith

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• Quick housekeeping note: There are some great events coming up in the next few weeks for members of the Colleague Community - including an accountability session this Friday! More details here.

Morning, Colleague!

This week I’ve been dealing with The Fear. You know the feeling, I’m sure. A wave of anxiety – often attached to a work project – that looms large and seems to speak directly into your ear. It’s full of helpful statements, like: ‘maybe you’re not good enough’, and ‘perhaps your career is finished.’ That’s the guy. He’s a real asshole.

Last week, a combination of working on a scary new project and launching the OOO Colleague Community on Patreon left me feeling vulnerable, pushed to my limits and terrified of public failure. But I was given some good advice.

You know that sick-making post that your mum’s friends share on FB? The one about ‘What if I fail? But, oh my darling, what if you fly’?

Well, it’s not that. It’s the opposite: Of course you’ll fail.

This tough love was dished out by Sapphire Rutter, who runs membership platform The Coven. And she’s got a point. Running your own business, particularly if it’s something you plan to do for the rest of your working life, is full of opportunities to fail. Whether it’s on an epic scale that forces you to shut down, or simply a campaign or promotion that doesn’t hit the mark, it’s likely to happen to all of us at least once.

So… I need to just get over it. I need to be ok with shouting about something all over my social feeds, and realising it hasn’t worked. I need to be ok with wound-licking time, and then a reset. Failing again, but better, as they say. And, as Sapphire also pointed out, most people don’t actually care what’s happening within my work – and that should be liberating. Most people who follow me, I’d bet, wouldn’t even notice if I launched something that quietly died a death.

Seemingly, the opposite of failure should be faith. Self-employment has, for me, been a non-stop exercise in discovering faith. First, I worried I wouldn’t make enough money; then that it wouldn’t be regular enough. Thankfully, things seemed to work out, so then I started worrying about the balance between different projects; or the type of work I wanted to be doing versus the work I was being commissioned to do.

There’s always something to worry about, but the past two years working for myself have been one massive trust-fall into the universe. While I get a bit light-headed if I think too much about my business – it can start feeling precarious under examination – when I step back, it seems to be working well for now. And really that’s all we can hope for – even within traditional employment. Sometimes it’s good to say to myself – ‘well, that thing you’re worried about hasn’t happened yet.’ Or, ‘It already happened, and you’re still here.’

The more I think about it, the more I think failure isn’t the opposite of faith at all – they are both connected. Faith isn’t saying ‘I’m going to get everything I want, exactly as I want it’, it’s saying ‘I will make things work, somehow.’ You never know when your personal life will fall into turmoil or you’ll lose a major client –when I was employed, I didn’t see my redundancy coming (although it ended up being a blessing in disguise.)

During a time of stress, I am inviting more faith into my life. This isn’t about religion (not for me, anyway) but the need to trust that things will work out ok in the end, one way or another. I’m keeping a list of milestones on my computer (another recommendation from someone) to remind me of similar periods of doubt. I started my project Survivor Stories a little over two years ago, from scratch, and was nervous about my capabilities. But it worked out. I’ve continued to find regular work during a pandemic. I’m still here.

And, let’s not forget - just as you can’t predict negative events, you never know when an interesting opportunity will come your way (it’s one of my favourite things about being self-employed). You might receive a life-changing email; a post might go viral; you might get a high-profile client, or a dream commission. Someone might tell you that what you’re doing has inspired them, or one of your products has lit up their day.

You might even fall in a pond with the future love of your life and then get an unnecessary number of dogs, like in this film, which I believe was a documentary.

I was lucky enough to sign up three Patrons for the Colleague Community within a few hours of launching – which, honestly, has given me the most incredible boost when it was most needed. Thank you so much for your support, and helping restore my faith during a wobbly week. I look forward to paying it forward and supporting your businesses in any way I can.

But, the lesson to take from that isn’t that things will always go to plan. Launches might fail; commissions will collapse; I will burn myself out. I need to remember that, should things fall apart, I am able to rethink things and start again. Ultimately, I need to nurture faith in myself, and how resilient I can be if and when things go wrong.

Here’s to going forward with faith, failure and the whole mad tapestry of self-employment.

It’ll never be dull, that’s for sure.

• If you’re feeling uncertain at the moment, there are a couple of recent articles I’d recommend going back over: firstly, calm yourself with breathwork. Then, if it’s not too raw, here’s why you should celebrate your failures as much as your wins.

• Don’t forget - this Friday morning is the next Out Of Office accountability session. It’s a chance to set some public goals for the month ahead (always a massive help when you find your motivation flagging), make some new self-employed friends, and share good news/frustrations with people who get it. Free to members of the Colleague Community.

• Webinar announcement! On March 16th I’ll be chatting to motivational expert Sophie Bennett on How To Stay Motivated When The World Is Falling Apart. Perfect if you need an injection of enthusiasm for work during mad times, and lots of time for your own questions. Full Time Colleagues go for free, or buy a ticket here.